2012 in 12 Pictures

January

February

March

April

May

June

July

August

September

October

November

December

The Wicked Bible

The Bodleian Library in Oxford had an exhibition to celebrate the 400th anniversary of the King James Bible. Among other things on display, was one of the very rare copies of “The Wicked Bible”. 

The story is quite simple. The King James Bible reprint from 1631 had a little omission: the word NOT from the seventh commandment (Exodus 20:14). So the famous “Thou shalt NOT commit adultery” became “Though shalt commit adultery”. 

The error was quickly spotted (I imagine the wild spontaneous street celebrations for a Bible print were a bit suspicious). The printers were fined and lost their licence and most of the copies were burned.

Salsa

Last year I decided to take some salsa classes. Not because I wanted to hit the clubs, or try something new, or get in shape. The real reason was a woman. And not any woman, but my much better half.

So on a Friday night I put myself together and went to a class for beginners. In pure personal style, we were 15 minutes late. The teacher had already explained something and about 25 couples were trying some very complicated steps which in salsa are called “the basic moves”.

I tried to imitate what everyone else was doing, but my two left feet wouldn't listen. One, two, three here, five, six, seven there... So I panicked. Luckily I was quickly reassured that I will dance with HER the whole night and it’s fine if I don't quite master the steps. I was relieved, but my jubilation was short lived as 30 seconds later, the teacher shouted:

- “Change partners!”

The person I trust most on this planet, who I go to bed with every night and who has all my credit cards, looked me in the eyes, smiled, waved and before I knew it she was in the arms of the big guy next to me. And to make matters even worse, a gorgeous girl landed in front of me expecting to be pleasantly entertained. I was horrified!

Now there’s something interesting about salsa and I guess about most dances. The man has to lead!!! The very profound question is, how can you lead if you don't know where you’re going? Well, as 25 girls found out that night, you can’t. You just look like a headless chicken and make a fool of yourself. I knew I wasn't doing very well, but I was permanently convinced when the teacher came to give me a personal lesson. Twice!

After nearly an hour of humiliation I went home and couldn't even have dinner. That night I didn't get much sleep either. And I thought dancing was supposed to be fun!

I’ve observed another very interesting phenomenon that night. It’s very difficult to take the right decision under extremely stressful circumstances. For some reason at the end of the class I signed up for the whole 8 week long course. I can’t quite remember how…

My emotions settled a bit as the time went on, but about a week later, I started getting that adrenaline rush again. And then when Friday came, all I could think of was how to run away… But there was no escape… I had to go through nearly the same experience again. Maybe this time a bit less painful for some lucky girls who managed to avoid me.

Since then I’ve been there a few more times. It’s going a bit better, but I still can’t “feel it” and I don’t quite enjoy it. Too much counting! Not enough randomness. I thought dancing was supposed to help you release your energies and let go. It’s not doing that at all! At least not yet.

I sometimes bump into some of these salsa girls in town. They always smile when they see me. No hard feelings.

My Work Here Is Done

An ultrasound scan revealed this little baby human yesterday. He’s been having fun in his mother’s womb for nearly 14 weeks now. He’s 7 cm long and he’s got little feet and hands and a big nose like his father’s. And he’s very playful, jumping and kicking like a monkey. It actually took the sonographer quite a few attempts to take this photo.

I must say, as someone who’s been quite reluctant and almost terrified of the whole baby business idea, seeing the little one for the first time was quite emotional... Actually, my better half was laughing and crying at the same time. Life really is a miracle...

But as I was sitting there, I realised that from a natural or evolutionary point of view, I have now fulfilled my meaning... I have given my small contribution to the survival of my species and as of now, I’m slowly going to be sidelined. Yes, I know that the mother needs support, that the baby would benefit from having a father who can protect and provide for the family... the whole hunter-gathered thing. However, the point I’m trying to make is that I’m not essential anymore. I don’t even know if I ever was, but I used to look at myself in the mirror with admiration and respect: “You sir, have the key! The missing ingredient! The XY chromosome! The power!”. Well, not anymore!

And what’s even more interesting, it’s not only that I’m slowly being made redundant from my male job, but I’ll have to get used to being ignored by the person I love most. And that’s for the rest of my life.

But maybe I should be more optimistic. I read somewhere that in some species the female devours the male after mating. Well, I’m still alive, but to be honest I haven’t had a good night’s sleep for a while... I have to be vigilant.

I’ve asked my GP what my role was as an expectant father... “You know... just stick around. You’ve done the important bit”, he said.

My work here is done, my friends!

But fear not! For I have a plan. I will befriend the baby as soon as he/she arrives, shower him/her with love, care and attention and make him/her think that I’m really important, irreplaceable even (although we all know the truth)! It’s a perfect plan. So inspired. So devious. Yet, so simple. They don’t call me The Prince of Darkness for nothing!

Basketball

This has to go down as one my best stories this year so far.

There were two NBA regular season games played in London in March. The first ever games played outside North America. Since I’ve been playing basketball for more than 15 years now, I thought this was a great chance to see how the pros do it.

Through some really interesting chain of connections that went as far as Spain, one of my friends managed to get two free tickets. So on a Saturday night we went to see the game. The O2 Arena was packed, but we had excellent seats.

The Nets played The Raptors. The game was very entertaining and the organisers did everything by the NBA book, with cheerleaders, some acrobatic shows, shooting contests, etc. In one of the long time-outs in the fourth period they’ve announced that some prizes are to be given away by one their sponsors to some randomly chosen lucky spectators. We were all made to stand up and start clapping and shouting. Then they told people in the upper gallery to sit down. And people in sectors so and so to sit down. And people in rows so and so... After a few more of these calls we were still standing. It wasn’t long before we heard a guy announcing “Row F, Seats No 190 to 195, you are the winners!!!” I tried to check my ticket, but when I saw my face on those giant screens and felt the spotlights in my eyes, I knew something had happened. Yes, my friend and I and three other “neighbours” had just won a high definition Flip video camera. Nothing extraordinary, but a fantastic experience. The cheerleaders came with the prizes and I offered to swap my prize for one of them, but had no luck.

After things had cooled down a bit, we realised that the other winners knew our connection as well and also got free tickets. This was when it all became clear. So one guy, big NBA organiser, gives five free tickets to some of his friends and then they all win the raffle. We couldn’t stop laughing. Actually he came to see us at some point. We asked if he had anything to do with our win. He smiled and pretended to look confused. We smiled back. There was another guy who won an exotic holiday for two in one of the other time-outs. We figured he must have been a better friend. Or his manager’s cousin.

So in the end things weren’t as random as we were made to think. And what’s even more interesting is that although I usually believe in justice and fairness, I didn’t mind this time. I didn’t care that more than 20,000 people were most probably tricked. Why? Probably because the stakes were so small. But also, because I won!

The Nets eventually won the game by 137 to 136. It took them three extra periods. What a night!

Grey Hair

Here’s something worth mentioning: I spotted my first grey hairs the other day. Exactly two of them. My better half was laughing with joy thinking I’ll soon catch up with her. No chance there, darling!

This came a bit of a surprise. Judging by the appearance of my family, I didn’t think I was genetically inclined to get grey hair, at least not yet. Anyway, whatever the causes it looks like it’s here and it’s here to stay.

But when I had some time to actually think about it, I realised my grey hair didn’t come too early at all. It’s all part of the natural process we call aging. A fairly slow chain of small changes that most of us fail to notice. And when we do, we panic! So, some of us go on the search for the legendary Fountain of Youth. Others, start drinking “aloe vera – sweet potato – Q10” cocktails.

It’s quite interesting that in all my years in school, I wasn’t taught much about aging. Or maybe, I just didn’t listen because I didn’t care. But now, I do! So in trying to monitor these changes, I made this list with a few things that are noticeably different. I’m not talking about changes in behaviour or thinking, as this will open Pandora’s Box. These are physical changes.

- I’m slower. I can see this clearly when I play sports. I can’t run, or turn or stop as quickly as I used to.

- I’m forgetful. And I keep forgetting these important dates, when I’m supposed to buy flowers, or go somewhere romantic.

- I’ve got quite a few wrinkles. Enough to get me anti-wrinkle creams for Christmas.

- I need less sleep. Maybe because I’ve got more things to worry about.

- Aches for no apparent reasons.

- I’m always tired.

- I’ve got two grey hairs

But it’s not all doom and gloom. There’s always the chance that Aubrey de Grey is right. And of course, look at George Clooney. He’s got grey hair, hasn’t he?

Harem Confusion

Last year, towards the end of my stay in Japan, these there lovely ladies came to visit me to do a bit of travelling around the country. One of them is my much better half. The others are two good friends. 

One of the highlights of our tour was a night spent in a remote traditional ryokan in the Izu Peninsula that had its own natural hot spring (onsen). The location was just fantastic and the baths that I took relaxed every muscle in my body and every thought in my brain. 

In the evening we were offered a weird and wonderful dinner that included among other things, raw fish served with soy sauce and wasabi (sashimi) and a Japanese hot pot (shabu-shabu). Seeing our naive wonder at all these nice strange things, an older couple approached us and welcomed us to Japan. They then told us how proud they were that we were visiting their country and offered us a bottle of sake, which I gladly accepted. I introduced myself and then my travel companions. He then very politely introduced his wife: 

“- This is my wife, Mariko. In Japan, only one wife!”
 

Drama School

Back in November last year, on a beautiful Sunday afternoon I was exploring the Asakusa district of Tokyo, when I heard some loud music and some people shouting. I turned around and I saw this nearly naked guy dancing and waving while being pulled on an improvised cart. About ten attractive young women followed him, smiling and playing their tambourines. I was rather hoping that they were sitting on that cart, but never mind... 

I quickly inquired about what was going on.

“- Ah, just the local Drama School”, answered a very helpful shopkeeper.

“- Really? Where do I sign up?”

The Jungle Book

Here in Japan, the particle accelerator where I work is actually made up of a chain of three accelerators: a linear accelerator to start with, a medium size circular (actually more like triangular) synchrotron and the main ring. 

In the main control room, whenever something goes wrong with the accelerator, a sort of alarm goes off to alert the operators. If the problem is with the linear section, an almighty elephant trumpet echoes through the room. If it’s further downstream in the first ring, a troop of monkeys invades the place. And to make things even more interesting, a lion roar announces problems with the main ring, but it sounds more like a kitten meowing. 

On a really bad day, the place feels like a scene from the Jungle Book. Who said scientists have no sense of humour?

Body Language

Unless you speak Japanese, the only real language you can actually use if you’re visiting Japan, is your body language. I’ve done pretty well so far miming food, or sleep or partial differential equations. But it doesn’t always work.

I started to get some dandruff, so I went to a big supermarket to get some antidandruff shampoo. It turned out it wasn’t as simple as I thought. My desperate attempts to show some flakes falling from my hair only attracted giggles from some otherwise very helpful shop assistants. Poor girls! I bet they thought I was looking for flea powder for monkeys... Eventually a quick google search solved the problem.

Things got even more interesting when I went to get a haircut. I was greeted by a very nice lady, who was obviously accustomed with more chatty customers. All I could do was smile back and nod every few seconds. Eventually our discussion came down to what I took as “How do you want your hair cut?”. Mime that! “Well”, I said trying my luck, “I like to keep it a bit longer, but not too long...”. After a while, her perplexed look told me I was running out of luck. As she stood there waiting, scissors in one hand and a big hair comb in the other, I realised I had this leaflet in my pocket from a concert I went to the night before. It was all in Japanese, but it had some pictures with several artists. “Here”, I said pointing at one of the pictures. “I want his haircut”. She quickly took the leaflet, put it next to the mirror and started meticulously cutting my hair. Every once in a while she would go back to consult the picture, probably wishing she had a 3D image of the guy, or at least a couple of police photos.

But sometimes, no matter how hard you try, you can’t get by unless you can speak a few words. I’ve eaten something strange earlier this week and I started to feel very sick. I had to go to see a doctor. Now, how do you explain symptoms like vomiting and diarrhoea without the use of language? Well, I couldn’t. And my book of useful Japanese phrases wasn’t of much help either. Eventually they had to find an English speaking doctor, for an ignorant gaijin.

Relief!

Mermaid

This mermaid was for sale in my local supermarket back home. Obviously it was in the fresh fish department. Where else?

Church Dress Code

My friend was in Rome last week. She wanted to visit St. Peter’s Basilica in the Vatican City, but she wasn’t allowed in. Her shoulders were uncovered and apparently this doesn’t go very well with the church dress code. So she bought this t-shirt to solve the problem. Perfectly acceptable this time.

Conspiracy Theory

She always told me she “was on the pill”. I never suspected she was on THIS sort of pill:

And to make things worse, one of my friends casually gave me this present (zoom in for details):

I’m slowly getting the big picture here and I smell a big conspiracy going on.

Double Crème de la Gruyère

Memorable dictum by my friend Antonio:

- “Do you know what ‘double crème de la Gruyère’ is?”
- “!?”
- “It’s like cream, but double, and from Gruyère!”
- “!!!”

New Year’s Eve Celebrations

New Year’s Eve in Romania is all about fun and celebration and food and anything you can think of. Since we were there on holiday we hung out with some friends to mark the event as we used to, years ago. Spending time with them is dangerous, though... I laughed so hard that my ribs hurt and my face turned green... I’m still recovering.

Have Some Lemon Juice!

My friends in Timisoara had a baby a few months ago. Of course, they haven’t had any sleep since. A baby tends to keep you busy.

But they get their share of fun as well. Nothing’s more amusing than watching your baby having some freshly squeezed lemon juice. Sweet revenge!

SuperKarina

My friend's baby is showing early signs of superhero personality. What do SuperMan, SuperMario and SuperKarina have in common? Find the clue in the image below (click to enlarge):

Cleaners Keep Out!

In a country where overzealous cleaners sweep everything they can get their brooms on, this sign had to be invented:

Tough Choice

The first time I visited CERN was in 2003. Since then, I’ve been there many times, and every time I go I see this funny Christmas caricature somewhere on a forgotten notice board. The paper got a bit of a yellowish colour over the years and gathered some dust, but the message is still there: “Let go, or else…” It’s really funny, but it can be quite painful especially if you’re a man and you use a bit your imagination… Snip, snip!