My Work Here Is Done

An ultrasound scan revealed this little baby human yesterday. He’s been having fun in his mother’s womb for nearly 14 weeks now. He’s 7 cm long and he’s got little feet and hands and a big nose like his father’s. And he’s very playful, jumping and kicking like a monkey. It actually took the sonographer quite a few attempts to take this photo.

I must say, as someone who’s been quite reluctant and almost terrified of the whole baby business idea, seeing the little one for the first time was quite emotional... Actually, my better half was laughing and crying at the same time. Life really is a miracle...

But as I was sitting there, I realised that from a natural or evolutionary point of view, I have now fulfilled my meaning... I have given my small contribution to the survival of my species and as of now, I’m slowly going to be sidelined. Yes, I know that the mother needs support, that the baby would benefit from having a father who can protect and provide for the family... the whole hunter-gathered thing. However, the point I’m trying to make is that I’m not essential anymore. I don’t even know if I ever was, but I used to look at myself in the mirror with admiration and respect: “You sir, have the key! The missing ingredient! The XY chromosome! The power!”. Well, not anymore!

And what’s even more interesting, it’s not only that I’m slowly being made redundant from my male job, but I’ll have to get used to being ignored by the person I love most. And that’s for the rest of my life.

But maybe I should be more optimistic. I read somewhere that in some species the female devours the male after mating. Well, I’m still alive, but to be honest I haven’t had a good night’s sleep for a while... I have to be vigilant.

I’ve asked my GP what my role was as an expectant father... “You know... just stick around. You’ve done the important bit”, he said.

My work here is done, my friends!

But fear not! For I have a plan. I will befriend the baby as soon as he/she arrives, shower him/her with love, care and attention and make him/her think that I’m really important, irreplaceable even (although we all know the truth)! It’s a perfect plan. So inspired. So devious. Yet, so simple. They don’t call me The Prince of Darkness for nothing!